When Love Isn’t Enough (Part 6): When Hope Becomes a Weight
Hope was the thing that kept me going for so long.
It was hope that made me stay. Hope that he would choose recovery, that he’d finally see his worth, that we could build a life free from addiction’s grip.
But somewhere along the way, hope stopped feeling light.
It became heavy.
Instead of lifting me, it pressed down on me like a weight I couldn’t put down. I’d wake up every day carrying that hope like a fragile package, careful not to let it break, careful not to let it go. Every text I sent, every call I made, every “I believe in you” was me holding that hope tighter.
I thought if I let it go, I was giving up on him.
But what I’ve realized is that hope alone doesn’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It can’t. Hope is a beautiful thing, but when it turns into a weight you carry for someone else, it becomes a burden you were never meant to bear.
The Shift from Hope for Him to Hope for Me
It took me a long time to understand that I could still love him, still want him to get better, and still put down the hope that was crushing me.
I could hope for him without sacrificing myself. I could hope he finds his way without waiting for it.
That shift didn’t happen all at once. It’s still happening.
But every time I choose to focus on my own healing, every time I set a boundary, every time I remind myself that I am not responsible for his recovery, I feel the weight of that hope getting a little lighter.
If You’re Carrying Hope Like a Weight
Please know this:
You don’t have to let go of love to let go of the burden.
You don’t have to stop believing in someone’s ability to change, but you do have to believe in your own ability to heal, no matter what they choose.
Hope can be a quiet, steady flame inside you, but it shouldn’t burn you alive.
Resources for Support
Al-Anon Family Groups: al-anon.org
Nar-Anon Family Groups: nar-anon.org
SMART Recovery Family & Friends: smartrecovery.org/family
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
“Hope can be a lifeline or a chain. It’s up to us to decide which.”
💙 I’m still learning this. But with every step, I’m walking closer to myself. Let’s walk it together.