When Love Isn’t Enough (Part 5): What My Broken Heart Is Teaching Me About Healing
There’s a moment after the heartbreak, after the silence, after the goodbyes that weren’t angry—where everything just feels… quiet.
The kind of quiet that hums in your bones.
It’s not the quiet of peace. It’s the quiet of shock, of absence, of trying to fill the space someone else used to occupy in your life.
That’s where I’ve been sitting lately.
The reality of this broken heart is settling in. It’s not just the end of a relationship—it’s the shattering of hope, the rewriting of expectations, the death of a future I thought we were building together. And in that grief, I’ve found myself tangled in thoughts that hurt even more than the loss itself:
If I had just done more…
If I had been better, stronger, more understanding…
If I could have saved him…
But here’s the thing—those thoughts aren’t just painful. They’re untrue.
REBT and the Stories We Tell Ourselves
I’ve been learning about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)—a way of understanding how our thoughts shape our emotions and actions. It teaches that the heartbreak we feel isn’t just about what happened; it’s about the beliefs we attach to what happened.
When I believe that I had to be perfect, that love alone should have saved him, that his leaving is a reflection of my worth—those beliefs create unbearable suffering.
But when I gently challenge those thoughts, when I remind myself:
I loved him deeply and did everything I could
His choices are his responsibility, not mine
His addiction or silence does not define my worth
The pain, though still present, begins to soften.
Moving from Heartbreak to Healing
Healing a broken heart isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about feeling every ounce of the sadness, the anger, the grief—and then choosing not to let those feelings dictate your story forever.
It’s about allowing yourself to mourn what was while also planting seeds for what will be.
Here’s what I’m learning as I heal:
It’s okay to grieve. Grief is a natural response to loss. Let yourself feel it. Cry. Journal. Sit in the sadness. But know that it doesn’t have to last forever.
Challenge the “shoulds” and “musts.” REBT teaches us that demanding perfection from ourselves or others (he should have changed, I must have saved him) creates needless suffering. Try replacing those thoughts with preferences: I wish he had changed, I wanted to save him.
Practice self-compassion. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend. Speak gently to your own heart.
Reconnect with what makes you feel alive. Even small things—a walk outside, a good book, a song that lifts your spirit—are steps back toward yourself.
If You’re Healing Too…
If your heart is breaking, please know you’re not alone. Healing isn’t linear—it’s messy, uneven, and sometimes feels impossible. But you’re stronger than you think.
You didn’t cause this heartbreak. You couldn’t control it. But you can control how you move forward from it.
Resources for Healing Support
Al-Anon Family Groups: al-anon.org
Nar-Anon Family Groups: nar-anon.org
SMART Recovery Family & Friends: smartrecovery.org/family
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls you.”
💙 I’m walking this path of healing too. Let’s take the next step together.